Mama to Mama

Sometimes the only people who can *really* understand how I'm feeling are other moms. I've had a rough week. Tom has been out of town for 2 nights, and John really missed him the first night. So much that he cried for 2 hours. After Auntie and I both tried to rock him to sleep, he still cried. And it's sad to listen to, but for the mom, it actually hurts. Just thinking about it now, I am going to cry myself. I went into hyper-alert mode and was up literally all night listening to every noise, hoping it wasn't him waking up again.

The lack of sleep that goes with motherhood is indescribable and cannot be understood by a non-mom. Dads can't even understand it. People think that since kids sleep 12-14 hours/day that the moms should be able to sleep as well. That's just not how it works. Kids sleep ON us. If we move to get comfortable, they wake up. And as they sleep, we have to do all of the things we used to be able to do at any time -- like eat, shower, clean up.

The idea that a nursing mom can sleep in at all is just not true. Annie gets up at 5am, so I get up at 5am. No matter what time I went to bed or fell asleep. She's not going to be comforted by anyone else. I bring her into our bed, and she'll nurse and maybe fall back asleep...on me. It's such a beautiful mental image and a bonding moment...but one I am awake for. Tom can fall back asleep easily since he's there but not really part of what's going on.

I am not complaining about being a mom. I love nursing Annie and loved nursing John. It's just hard. And tiring. And indescribable. Really. And I know people reading this are thinking I'm being annoying or a martyr or whatever. And honestly I'm too tired to care. I've tried to talk about this with some people, and mostly I get advice like, "Can Tom wake up with Annie?" or "You need a night away." Which both make perfect sense...except they really make no sense at all. I told Lisa about it all. She got it. Thanks, Lisa Jean. Jelly Bean.