Mama to Mama

Sometimes the only people who can *really* understand how I'm feeling are other moms. I've had a rough week. Tom has been out of town for 2 nights, and John really missed him the first night. So much that he cried for 2 hours. After Auntie and I both tried to rock him to sleep, he still cried. And it's sad to listen to, but for the mom, it actually hurts. Just thinking about it now, I am going to cry myself. I went into hyper-alert mode and was up literally all night listening to every noise, hoping it wasn't him waking up again.

The lack of sleep that goes with motherhood is indescribable and cannot be understood by a non-mom. Dads can't even understand it. People think that since kids sleep 12-14 hours/day that the moms should be able to sleep as well. That's just not how it works. Kids sleep ON us. If we move to get comfortable, they wake up. And as they sleep, we have to do all of the things we used to be able to do at any time -- like eat, shower, clean up.

The idea that a nursing mom can sleep in at all is just not true. Annie gets up at 5am, so I get up at 5am. No matter what time I went to bed or fell asleep. She's not going to be comforted by anyone else. I bring her into our bed, and she'll nurse and maybe fall back asleep...on me. It's such a beautiful mental image and a bonding moment...but one I am awake for. Tom can fall back asleep easily since he's there but not really part of what's going on.

I am not complaining about being a mom. I love nursing Annie and loved nursing John. It's just hard. And tiring. And indescribable. Really. And I know people reading this are thinking I'm being annoying or a martyr or whatever. And honestly I'm too tired to care. I've tried to talk about this with some people, and mostly I get advice like, "Can Tom wake up with Annie?" or "You need a night away." Which both make perfect sense...except they really make no sense at all. I told Lisa about it all. She got it. Thanks, Lisa Jean. Jelly Bean.

Personality

It is so much fun getting to know John. I realize that may sound odd since I gave birth to him and have been with him every day since then. But, he's now becoming himself...an individual. And he is damn funny. (And stubborn -- wonder where he gets that??)

A few examples:

John climbed up on the kitchen stool to sit next to Auntie, turned to her, and said "So, what's new?" To truly understand the humor in this, please remember John is 2. Auntie tried to answer, but was too busy being quite shocked and proud :).

Recently (like this week), John's started to put on "shows" for us. He instructs us to "sit down" while "I do this" and then jumps around and waves his arms. So we sit. And he jumps around and waves his arms. So far shows have been free, but I suspect admission prices soon.

Last weekend I was STRUGGLING with John's mittens and jacket. I bought him these great mittens that have extra long wrists so that they tuck into the jacket sleeves to avoid snow getting in there. I had the brilliant idea to put the mittens on first instead of trying to shove them up the jacket sleeves once the jacket was on. In the process, I managed to get both of John's arms stuck in his sleeves since the mittens are too bulky to actually make it out of the arm holes. So there we are -- John's trapped and I'm getting annoyed at the fabulous mittens. And he starts singing..."I'm be eaten by a boa-constrictor...". I nearly peed my pants.

How did I get so lucky?

All the very early mornings, all the messes, all those crazy poops, all the battles for independence...it's all so worth it.

One for the mamas

Last night Annie had the most AMAZING poop.

I think this can only be appreciated by a fellow diaper changer. I mean it was incredible -- we were mid-diaper change. She didn't want to have her legs up, but I was holding them with 1 hand and trying to wipe her with the other...when I HEARD HER POOP fly out of her butt. And it was gigantic.

It was like one of those foam guns that shoot out that liquid foam that turns solid...

I wish I had my camera. Truly.